I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
