yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
