i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize