don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize