I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
