What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I could fuck to npr.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
