i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
