Heybabeimwearingurpanties
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize