Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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