i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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