Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
