We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
