in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
