i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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