Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
