speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
