I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
