yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
