On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
