Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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