I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
