I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
