If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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