remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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