I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
