I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
