Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize