Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
