that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
