Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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