the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
