Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
