If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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