I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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