Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
