Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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