Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
