No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
