i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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