Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
