Can i not drive my cunt home
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
