Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
