he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
