you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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