dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
