'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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