So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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