the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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