Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
