dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
