I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
