Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
