I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
