Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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