i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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