dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
