I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
