Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
