a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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