We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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