I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
